With the world having an estimated 6809 different ‘living’ languages, where on earth to find a translator of the rarest language of them all: Kaixana, a critically endangered language spoken by only one remaining villager on the banks of Brazil’s Japurá River?
The answer, folks, is right here at ABL Recrutiment! (where else?). No wonder we’ve forged a reputation for being the multilingual and English job recruitment agency others can only aspire to be.
And with a standing like that, when a London-based Swiss millionaire with business interests in Brazil urgently required a Kaixana translator to accompany him to South America to try to convince the aforementioned villager to sell him her land, there was only one agency to call…
But Things Did Not Turn Out As Planned!
Our Kaixana translator, Jorge Hugo Gilberto Carlos Da Silva De Ipanema (of Lambeth North) explains:
Jorge: When the opportunity arose I was so excited. I’d spent night after night learning Kaixana from ancient textbooks and scriptures, never dreaming that one day I would be asked to actually fly to Brazil and converse with the last remaining Kaixana-speaking villager on earth. To try to reason with her… To convince her to sell up and spend her remaining years in a luxurious Rio apartment overlooking Copacabana beach…
ABL: So what went wrong?
Jorge: She simply wouldn’t sell. Even worse, she spoke fluent English having once worked in the underpants section of British Home Stores in Tunbridge Wells in 1976. What a wasted journey. What a waste of time. All that intense Kaixana study. The sacrifices I’ve made. The price I’ve-
ABL: And the Swiss businessman, Jorge?
Jorge: He married the woman! When he heard she’d worked at BHS, he talked for four hours on-end about their Y-fronts – the support they offer, the range of colours, the sheer comfort… Honestly, I felt like a spare part. Like a… How you say here in the UK? … A gooseberry?
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